Wednesday, May 16, 2012


I remember watching monster movies as a kid. King Kong and Godzilla didn’t scare me that much. They were sixty feet tall for crying out loud! You could see them coming for miles. I figured anyone they caught had it coming.

Vampires and Werewolves scared the hell out of me. They could hide under my bed or in my closet. That didn’t keep me out of the movies (still doesn’t) but I paid for it.

What’s with this business about Vampires having to be invited into your house? Once they are, you can’t keep them out. Then I saw an old movie when I was a kid in Nevada where a vampire looked down a door mat that said "Welcome" and replied "Thank you" and went in. I don't think my Mother ever knew why our door mats that said welcome either disappeared or got something spilled on them.

Those monsters were scary, but they were fun. Other monsters are not. I do what I can to guard against home invaders and have shown folks how they can protect themselves against stalkers. Regardless how well you prepare bad things still happen.

There are other monsters, one that has haunted me since I was old enough to grasp its existence. This one puts Godzilla, and Vampires, and even home invaders to shame.

Cancer is the monster that hides inside me. I had known of it even as a child, but it was something terrible that happened to someone else. There are different kinds of cancer. In my twenties I watched a friend in his thirties get eaten alive with it in a matter of months.

A few years ago I sat in a hospital room and watched my Mother die by inches. Her last week she was gone, but the body was still breathing. I held her hand, looked into sightless eyes, and remembered the woman she had been.

Not long ago I got the news myself. It was all I could do not to go screaming into the woods when the doctor told me I was positive for prostate cancer. The good news (and trust me friends and neighbors – that was a hard sell) is that prostate cancer is very slow moving. I now realize that rather than months I still have years even if it goes untreated. I will assure you all now I have not wasted any time with my doctor even discussing not seeking treatment.

The doctor assures me we caught it early enough for treatment. He says I’m young (nice to know someone considers 59 young) and in reasonably good health. We discussed options.

To me, the only realistic option is surgery, but the doctor assures me I am too fat to survive it at the moment. I guess he knows what he’s talking about.

So…I am now on the Nutrimed diet system. This is more a supervised fast than a diet. My regular doctor assures me it’s better than starvation. I’ll get back to you on that. The most telling aspect of the situation, for folks who have known me, is that I haven’t been tempted to cheat – even once.

I don’t plan to make this blog a place to whine about my problems, but there will be a new topic heading that deals with my new battle from time to time.

I promise the next post will be much more fun and interesting.


  1. It is a monster you can beat and thankfully a monster that had not spread itself far and wide within you. I know you can beat it, I just did. Last August I was diagnossed with tonsilar cancer that had spread extensively in the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck. At first I was given a cheery 80% survival chance. Then, a serious doctor, one who treated me for many months, told me that "at best your chances of survival are "50/50". He told me if I did not fight it, then i had no chance. I listened to him, he was my chemo doc. I listened to the radiation doc and the nurses and techs too. They all pulled for me but I was pretty sure most were thining I was not going to make it. The chemo doc also told me "This is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your life". He was absolutely right, it was the hardest; not the scariest, but definitely the most difficult. Well, after 35 radiation treatments and a few mega chemo treatments, I still had lumps in my neck. I was devastated. Then as the weeks went by, all after the treatments had ended, the lumps disappeared and there was no longer a leision on my tonsil either. Months later they gave me a PET and CT scan and told me the best word in the world - RESOLVED!

    No matter how tough it gets, keep up the fight unless you are absolutely certain there is no hope. Me, I kept it up even when I thought I was pretty darned sure it was hopeless and then if only because others told me to keep fighting and I because am a stubborn SOB. Now I have side effects, some may last years, others my lifetime, but if the cancer does not come back then they are nothing to complain about.

    Cancer is scary. Cancer treatments can be even scarier, well the side effects sure can be because depending on which treatment(s) you get they can make you feel true misery. In a way, with in in your prostrate, you are lucky. Yu will be able to eat without it feeling like you are swallowing white hot swords. That is about how it feltr when I ate in weeks 6 & 7 of radiation and for a month or two after that. Docs told me because my throat was raw. Now they tell patients it is because their throats have been broiled, I set them straight.

    Then there was the mental stress. If you have loved ones who are supportive, lean on them, you are going to need them if your treatments get tough. Of course, since the docs found it early, this may not be anywhere nearly as tough for you as it would had it spread.

    By the way, I am not meaning to make this about me, but telling you about what I went through because I have to say, no one really prepared me for what I was going to face' I am just trying to give you an idea of what I faced so you will be prepared if things get rough for you.

    All through it though, you can and I am sure you will, keep a mindset that you will beat it. That desire to live, the will to fight even when you feel beaten down and scared beyond belief, is in you. You will put on your armor, grab that sword and shield and do battle with that fire breathing, flesh eating, evil son of bitch and you will be victorious. You are going to kick cancer's ass.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers for speedy and full recovery with minimal disruption to your life. I wish you all the best.

    Glenn B

  2. Thank You Glen B.,
    Don't worry about "making it about you". I have been needing to talk with someone who has delt with this and will TALK STRAIT TO ME. I am grateful you took the time to do so. I will keep you posted on what's happening here. Feel free to weigh in any time.

  3. I linked over from "The Last Chapter." If you must have a cancer, the good news is that this one is beatable, specially if you catch it early. It sounds like you have. Get rid of the weight. It can be done. I lost enough to get off diabetes medication. Have the surgery and get on with life.

    I have a folder I put prayer requests in. I will bookmark you to that and lift you up on occasion.

    Grace and peace.

  4. Thank you Pumice,
    In two weeks I have droped 17 pounds and havn't been tempted to cheat on the fast even once. If you knew me in person...that's huge.
    And thank you for theh prayers. I'll take all the help I can get.